Overboard?

I complain about my job... a lot. So let me start off with a dose of cute for you. Prepare for a Centimeter Creature. My kids had to create a creature...later they had to measure the arms, legs, tentacles etc. for practice with a ruler. They got wayyy into it. It was awesome.

They always told us in school that one way to get kids interested is to make things relevant for them. So I try to use people and events in my life to make connections for the kids. Example: They know all about lovely Luka because I use him in writing frequently. He's had more poems written about him than any other dog can claim. Seriously. So when I had to teach letter writing I planned, drafted, edited, and revised a letter to my dearest friend Anna- ever so gently asking her to return to NC. (It was a letter of REQUEST after all.)

Then a few days later I had a little bullying incident in my classroom. I borrowed a genius lesson plan from my coworkers that involves drawing a picture of your best friend. As you talk to your best friend you give her compliments and add smiles and rainbows and sunshine. Then you start to say mean things to her instead. Each time you say something mean, you crumple her up a little until she is wadded into a little ball of paper. Then, you slowly start to apologize for everything you said. You flatten her out as best you can and ask the kids "What's different now?" With eyes as wide as saucers my kids replied that Anna was all wrinkly because I was mean to her. Even though I apologized to her and she flattened out SOME...I will never get her all smooth again. And THAT'S because every time you say a mean thing to someone you leave a tiny wrinkle in them that never goes away- even if you apologize. They may forgive you but its important to remember that  mean words can hurt forever.

 

(Insert Full House music here.)

It. Was. Awesome.

It wasn't until this past weekend when I was looking through my kids'  center work from the week that I realized I may have gone a little "Anna-Crazy" in my room.  Check it out.

 

But, hey, I guess it means they are listening. Sometimes.

Reasons I am ancient:

I.AM.OFFICIALLY.OLD(ish). 

1. I mentioned a "tape" in front of my kids today. Response: NONE. They don't know what that means.

2. Life before cell phones...my kids don't understand the concept.
"Well...what if your mom was at the store and you realized you needed something. How did you tell her?"
"You didn't. She was at the store. Without a phone."
..."HUH?" 

3. "Look at the chart and tell me what year Finding Nemo was released."
"OOH...2003! Hey wait, that's the year I was born!"
(Didn't that movie just come out YESTERDAY?!?)

4. Plugging a computer into  a phone jack= barbaric. They don't have any recollection of the noises computers USED to make as the connected to the internet.





5. I have to actually work to stay relevant. If I want to have a conversation about music, video games,  or TV..I have to RESEARCH it first. This means I am spending my own time to make sure I am up to date on Justin "Beaver" (no lie...that's what my kids think his name is) and Lego Star Wars.

6. DVR. They don't get that watching HOURS of mindless television wasn't always as easy as it is now.



7. Recycling. They asked me "Ms. Paul if everyone had started recycling back when you were little, do you think you could have stopped the hole in the ozone?" I am so old my generation is responsible for a HOLE IN THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE EARTH. (well, at least partially responsible....before we were old enough to know better.)


8. I could think of more, but it's almost 7 which is universal blue-haired bedtime.

Things I've learned from my student...

1) Shoes are important. Every single day of school my friend W finds some way to comment on or compliment my shoes. As if I needed more reasons to purchase footwear....

2) Always take the time to say something nice. W goes out of her way to say something nice to me every day. For example- the shoes. On a regular basis she finds something nice to say about my hair, what I taught that day...or even just say thank you for a hug.

3) Anything worth having is worth fighting for. W fights for every single skill and every single fact that she can claim mastery of. She works and works hard for everything she gets out of my classroom. Because of this- it all means more for her. At the end of the day she is PROUD because she EARNED it.

4) Sidewalk chalk cures all ills. Ok, so this is a metaphor. But seriously, simple things can brighten up an entire day for W. So why focus on the negative when there is (figuratively speaking) a bright new box of sidewalk chalk on the shelf  just waiting to be opened.

5) If it's out of your control...let it go. There are lots of things W has no control over. NONE. But, rather than get all worked up over things she can't change, she puts all her energy towards the things she can change. Like making sure that her friend T, who is having a bad day, smiles at least once before she goes home.

6) Own your dreams. W has a lot of dreams. Some of them may never happen. I know teachers aren't supposed to say things like this but...it's likely quite a few of them will never happen. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Her dreams are her own and she is going to keep on dreaming them. period. end of sentence. No one, but yourself, can damage your dreams. 

A lot to take in from a 7 year old...no?

Playing Susie Homemaker

Track-Out has taught me one thing...

I have sick deluded fantasies of being a housewife. And I don't mean the ass-kicking, name-taking,  efficient, volunteering, van driving, powerwalking, dry-clean picking-uping kind of housewife. I mean the black and white kind that were frequently featured on nick at nite.

This week I've gotten a lot of grown up things accomplished you know things involving insurance, gas companies, mechanics, and payroll at HR. Like BORING grown up stuff. I did manage to make it to the gym at least. :)

But then, when that is finished, I start cleaning up around the house. Folding laundry, vacuuming the floor, loading/unloading the dishwasher, taking care of my furkid....etc. Then, about 30 minutes before Crystal gets off of work I put dinner in the oven and go get myself cleaned up.

So to sum it up, when she walks in the door dinner is ready, the house is clean, the (fur)kid is happy and quiet, and I am (mildly) presentable. Usually dinner is served on the couch in front of the current Netflix obsession.

Add some pearls and an up-do and it begins to more closely resemble Cleaver-ville. Albeit slightly non conventional Cleaver-ville....but you follow.

And you know, I think it's ok that I'm enjoying this little fantasy of mine. My mind  and body needed a break from the stresses of moving, starting a new job, and dealing with all the changes in my life.

But, who knew that under my liberal and feminist exterior lurked just a touch of a traditionalist? Certainly, not me.

Friday night in the big city...?

Ok. So for the entire 11 months I lived in New Bern I talked (nonstop) about all the things I missed about Raleigh. All the things to DO and places to GO. I couldn't WAIT to get back.

So it makes absolute sense that last Friday night I got together with some of my favorites and we decided to THROW DOWN. That's right folks. You heard it here first. SCRABBLE.

Scrabble?

Eesh.

We started out with a nice dinner at Tripp's (yummmm) and took the required "This is us sitting in a booth about to eat food prepared by the hands of others" photos.

Once those photos were out of the way we commenced with our dinner. After things really got out of control. Yep, that's when the board games entered the scene.

And we had really awesome luck the WHOLE GAME. See. Proof. 

At one point, Kelly decided her time would be much better spent as an Eastern Princess. Fortunately she was wearing some bohemian jewelery that stood in nicely for a crown.

Once she was done playing princess she put down some words. Turns out we are not so dumb after all.

And, I won...therefore the evening ended happily.

And such is the life of a twenty something, on a Friday night....in the big city.
And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Today is a good day. Today I feel like I am adequate at my job and maybe I made a difference in the life of my students.

There are days where it is very easy to forget why I became a teacher. The days that paperwork outweighs the time I spent with my kids. The days the kids talked more than I taught. The days that Autism, ADHD, sensory disorders, and learning disabilities seem insurmountable rather than just a part of the package.

Today was not one of those days. Today I laughed with my students, played with my students, and learned with my students. I was a math expert, a reading consultant, a caterpillar wrangler, and a sidewalk chalk artist. I was a mediator, a therapist, a first aid aficionado, an organizational consultant, a hairdresser, a cheerleader, a peacekeeper, and a traffic director. Before and after school I also managed to be a professional, a collaborator, a data collector, and even a friend as I sat and laughed with my team.

Today I remembered why it is all worth it. I remembered why I love my job.

Today I realized how lucky I am to be where I want to be, with the friends I chose for myself, in a profession I was meant to be a part of.

If that wasn't enough- this is what I came home to yesterday...

And on top of all of that- my apartment is clean. Clearly the planets are aligned.
(The only thing missing is YOU, Anna Morgante)

A (less than) triumphant return

Ok. So I had dreams of being this amazing blogger. I wanted to be (internet)famous which, seriously, is the only kind of famous that even matters anymore.

But alas. My real, 3-D, grown up life has taken over my dreams of digital stardom, which I suppose just means  I finally got that "life" i've been trying to acquire since graduating from college. In actuality I guess celebrations are in order.

So, updates.

New Job, 1.
Offers to return to old job part time (hello caffeine!), 1 
New apartments, 1
Number of storage bins still containing classroom stuff, one million
School nights spent going to bed at a reasonable hour rather than hanging out with fabulous Raleigh type friends....um 2.

Seriously though. Iamsobusy. It's ridiculous. School is and always will be a beast at the beginning of the year. This year has been even worse because, well, hello new school, new county, new grade level, new school calendar. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm gaining on some things rather than just treading water. And this is doubly a good thing. Not only is this good for my career but it makes me a muuuuuuch nicer person to be around. I am looking forward to the return of fun "I love to be a teacher but I have a life outside of school" Jen as opposed to "RAHH I am so stressed out I don't have time to talk to you about anything but how stressed out I am" Jen.

Plus plus plus...I track out in THREE WEEKS. Count 'em. My track out includes- nights with fabulous Raleigh type people, a trip to CALIFORNIA to visit a displaced awesome Raleigh type person, and a roadtrip to Edenton to watch a friend get hitched.  And even after all of that I will still have time to write lesson plans/stalk facebook/get back to the gym/ abuse netflix/ terrorize my favorite New Bernians for the start of their school year. Lovehappylovelove.

Some old guy once said "It's not where you are but who you're with." Weellllll...I do agree that who you are with has a lot to do with how you feel. But sometimes where you are makes a big difference too. I love my hometown and alllllll my friends and family there. But, for me, it was too hard to be a grown up in the place where I grew up. Here I feel like I can be just a little more "me"....whatever that means these days.

So anyhow, I'm semi-settled and realizing that after agonizing over every life choice I've made in the past month (which has been an unusually high number for such a short period of time) that I've made good ones. I still have a lot to figure out....but at least now I believe that I can do it.

So I'm not internet famous...but I'm happy. Beat that.  <3

(School) Year End Summary

August to June flew by...in some respects. In others it felt like the end of the year would never come. However, looking back on the year it's crazy to think how much stuff happened.

Number of moves, 2
Total first graders taught, 23
Largest class size at any one time, 21
Kids that tested my patience beyond any practical limit, 2 
Assessments given, 1,000,000
Nose Bleeds (not mine..the kids!), oh, tons. 
Children with (regularly) wet pants, 2 
Ringworm (mine), 2
Bronchitis (mine), 2
Pneumonia (mine), 2
JTB Favorites, 6
Pounds lost, approx. 30
Interviews, 2
Job Offers, 2 
New Beginning, 1

I am so nervous for what is to come, but I can't help but be excited too. Good things are to come. Sometimes you have to let go of something good because something better is around the corner. (I'll just keep telling myself that. :)

Done being emo...(for now).

The last post was...a little too emo for me. And I WROTE the thing. But, hey. It was what I was feeling and, hello...I have an English degree. I totally buy that "if you write it down it helps" theory. But, today I've decided that being emo and sad is terribly overrated and I like myself more when I am up as opposed to down and so, today I begin again.

While I know that certain things will haunt me for a while, and that I will have more afternoons on a certain friends porch talking, crying, laughing, and even yelling, I also know that I am more than this. And, I deserve more than this. I know this because I have people tripping over themselves to tell me these things. And today, I choose to believe THEM instead of the words of another.

Big changes are coming. And, while I'm not sure exactly when, how, and even in what form some of these changes will be occurring in, I am OK. 23 is a good year for some changes, I think.

Plus, If I'm going to stick with this whole "Trust the Universe" thing...I better shut up and just do it. I'm not a big one for horoscopes, but the past two weeks mine have been spot on. It does make you wonder what kind of crazy cosmic stuff is happening out there...and how it might affect our daily lives (I mean...teachers and health care professionals, we can't deny the power of a full moon, can we?)

Today:
Whatever you do today might open doors that will benefit both you and those close to you. Gird your loins and do whatever needs to be done. Later you'll be glad you did.

Tomorrow: 
You feel especially focused right now, and your intellect and emotions are in accord with what you need to do to accomplish your goals. Your physical energy and enthusiasm are strong, as is your determination. Go for the gold. 

Like I said, big changes. And I will be a better person for it. 

Dark and Twisty.

Have you ever been so in love and certain and warm and fuzzy that you thought you might explode?

I mean happiness. Truly happy. Well I have. And it was wonderful and I was pretty sure that it was going to last forever.

And then something happened. The worst part is that I don't know what that something was. Suddenly what was there...and solid...is gone.

So, I've got a pretty bad case of the dark and twistys as I fluctuate between  seriously considering hopping in my car to try to figure this out....and knowing the right thing to do is nothing at all.

So, here I am. Still on the fence about where my life is going....only the one thing I was sure of is up and gone.

I'm not going to lie...part of me still has hope. But, hope or no hope, I'm going to keep living my life, not sit on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy and eating chocolate.

Well, maybe that will happen once or twice. But I won't let it be a habit. :)

The Quest for a Greater Metropolitan Area

Ok. So it's no big secret that my goal is to move back to Raleigh next year. Reasons are as follows:

1) I have had several "Get me to a greater metropolitan area immediately" moments. (If your name is not Anna Morgante, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about....unless I told you the story of course.)

2) My intention since before my internship was to live in Raleigh. You know, try my luck in the "big city".

3) I want to go to grad school and all the places I am interested in are in the Triangle.

4) I miss my (Raleigh) friends and all the cool stuff to do up there.

5) I am too damn liberal to live in New Bern.

So anyhow, I made this confession to share a story with you. I went to Raleigh for an interview. (Insert shocked gasp here if you ,like I , thought that Wake County was an impenetrable fortress into which no crazy mind control-resume sending power could penetrate.) It went well (I think) and I am, of course, hoping for a phone call to let me know one way or the other within the next two or three weeks.

Of course, now that I've written this blog...if I don't get the job, my humiliation will span far beyond the 3 dimensional people into cyberspace.

After the interview I got to hang out with Janine...(see aren't we cute)

and some of her friends....none of whom do I have a picture of. BUT, they pretty much look like this....

No? Don't believe me? Ok.

Anyhow...we go out to dinner/drinks/hang out on the patio while people watching in downtown Raleigh when amazing lady-waitress-type walks over and asks if we would like a menu. When given the affirmative she walks over with the menu, which she places on the table. Then, she proceeds to hand me a page-protected paper and asks me if I'd like to see something special.

"Only if it says, Dear Jen, you're gonna get a job next week."

Haha...required polite laughter...bahahawhah. "Well actually, it's just the specials menu....sorry."

Only a few minutes later she comes back with this

....custom made "specials" menu.

Meet reason number 6 I'm going to (someday) move back to Raleigh.


----

Reasons not to move,
1) JTB favorites.
2)....who needs another reason?

I'm going to Disney World! (oh yeah, Congrats Janine.)

I.Am.So.Excited. And by excited I mean "countdown on the calendar, reading reviews on the internet, using online maps to flag "places of interest", telling everyone who is standing still that I'm going to Disney World" excited.

I should probably mention that this entire trip was made possible by the four year toil of one, Janine Dube at an institution of higher learning. 

But, in my defense, I am not the only one that is excited. I enter into evidence the following photos...

I have serious concerns that Orlando is not ready for the likes of us. I mean, in four years we have never taken a "real" vacation together, and this could be EPIC. EPIC I tell you.

To paint you a picture....the last time I went on vacation (with BFF Anna), I ended up kayaking with an alligator. This also occurred in Florida as luck would have it. And we ARE staying at the French Quarter resort where the theme is Mardi Gras...and gators. What a theme.

So, If I seem a little distracted over the next 20 days of school (is the year really almost over?!?!) It's because I've gone to the Enchanted Castle in my mind.

Blogging = low man on totem pole. oops.

This blog was supposed to be an a-mazing way for me to vent and write down all of the awesome things that I am doing in this, my first year as a grown-up.

I. reek. of. failure.

Let me begin by confessing that today is NOT a good day for me to write a blog. I have a bad case of the whiney-ass-sads. And no, there is nothing you can do to help me out. I am just in the dark and twisty place and this will work itself out. I am stressing over some things that I have no control over and some things that I DO have control over and just don't know how to actually CONTROL them.

You dig?

Perhaps not. Perhaps everything I am typing is appearing in strange-premenstrual girl language that is only decipherable by soulmates (hello Anna), because I feel like my mouth is moving but nothing is making sense.

Maybe this is the reason why my 21 (holy *&^% that is a lot of kids) first graders stared at me today as if they had never before heard this strange direction I was giving them like, "Put your name on your paper", or "go get your bookbag to pack up" and the ever important "Do NOT put that in the toilet, you will flood the bathroom."

No, you can't make this stuff up.


I have this not-so-unfounded fear that tomorrow my administrators will find me unconscious amid a ring of seven year olds clad in face paint belting an incantation and waving their safety scissors.

Tonight is a good night to watch Bridget Jones and laugh at a woman that has way more issues (albeit hilarious issues) than I do. Alas, tonight is Tuesday which means it's time for LOST.

But, maybe that's better. Let's face it. Those guys are way more screwed than any of us.

St. Patrick's Day Debauchary- Elementary School Style,

Ok. So I L-O-V-E St. Patty's day at my school. My mom was a ringleader in this whole shebang years ago, and ever since St. Patty's day has been an excuse to have your room TRASHED and make the kids clean it up.

Oh yeah, and they think it's really cool. SCORE.

So we started by studying Ireland and St. Patrick's day. Of course, I had to leave out my whole, "St Patrick really just tried to get people to dump their own religion and study his and I am against this" schpeal.

My kids all had to build leprechaun traps. (ok.) Out of recyclables (nifty). Using our science curriculum- to trip the trap something had to be pushed or pulled OR something had to be balanced using equal forces on both sides (WOW, Jen, you are a genius).

My kids had the best time. They had to work in groups to create a plan, explain it to me...and then they could begin building it.

Of course, we had pickles delivered from O'Mally's Bait Factory in Dublin Ireland. Why you ask? Leprechauns love pickles silly.

We left the traps up overnight. The next morning I was of course running late and so was my assistant oddly enough. So we had to wait until after the bell to unlock the door and all go in together. Funny how that happened.

The kids were losing their minds because there were these strange tiny green footprints on our door, on the water fountain, and in the hallway.

We opened the door to unholy destruction. If you don't believe me, check it out.

Please note the little green footprints on the floor. These were also on desks, walls etc. BUT these pictures are on my phone and I'm to lazy right now to load them up.

However, all of this led to this general reaction from my kids.

It. Was. Awesome. (also, please notice the amazing cops-style identity concealer. HAH. )

So, we didn't catch a leprechaun. But we did get terrorized by one. One of my kids ACTUALLY caught his jacket. Right in his ingenious little trap. And if you think he wasn't excited when he found this tiny little jacket, well, you would be stupid.

Even though it took us 40 minutes to get the room clean, it was totally worth it. After all, the little bastard did leave us some Hawaiian Punch and a wee bit 'o the rainbow...Skittles!

Not to mention my kids were so super into it, and they remember the motion science behind it.

But no. Really. It was all about the Skittles.

A Very Open Letter to Fred Phelps *Warning* Pissed off Girl at Keyboard

Dear Mr. Phelps,

Today at the gym, I happened to catch a story about you on the news. I was very sad about this because I had probably gone a whole six months without having my blood boil, which, I'm not sure if you're aware, is very bad for my blood pressure and also my attitude. I did want to thank you for one thing though, I got so pissed off while listening to this story that I worked out twice as hard, burned 1 billion calories, and am that much closer to fitting into a bathing suit that doesn't resemble a boat sail. So, snaps for you on that one.

I find it incredibly ironic that you are protesting the funerals of these soldiers that gave their lives in service. Number one, I am NOT a war supporter. Nope. Nada. Nothing. That said, I have NOTHING but respect for the men and women that choose to give up some of their autonomy to serve something that they feel called to do. And, for totally selfish reasons, I appreciate what they do because it means I don't have to. Also, I really enjoy being able to walk around feeling safe and secure...living my life the way I CHOOSE because these brave people gave their time, dedication, and even their lives.

This brings me to the irony- the very institution that you are mocking is the institution that protects your right to hold that hateful sign.  Chew on that for a while.

Also, I'd really like you to diagram for me why your version of god is killing all these soldiers because he is mad at gay people. Number one, how exactly are the two connected? And number two, could I listen to the voicemail/read the memo in which he expressed to you his hatred/ire towards the gay and lesbian community and threatened to start killing folk for digging Cher/Birkenstocks/Individuals of the same gender? I mean, I can make sense of a Charles Dickens novel like PRESTO and, let me tell you, that guy rambles AND has about a million characters in his epic novels. So, the fact that I can't follow your logic really works a nerve.

Oh wait. No it doesn't. Because if I could follow your logic I would be as hateful as you are.

I do NOT respect your opinion. However, I do respect your right to have one. I just find it incredibly inappropriate that you find memorial services a good time to protest. Preach your message from your pulpit and let the families have time to grieve. Since I hear you are really big on this religion thing, lets review some of the Biblical passages that highlight loving your fellow man, shall we?

Or did you skip those parts. Along with the new testament with all the stuff about "forgiveness"?  You can't pick and choose your favorite parts of the Bible, Ace. Taking things out of context is a no-go in religion, politics, journalism, and communication in general.

However, it is pretty easy to recognize the context of your signs. Hatred.

Let me end by offering you an invitation. If you are so unsatisfied with our country, please feel free to go and live elsewhere. I promise promise PROMISE that my liberal, diversity loving tushie will NOT come looking for you.

Sincerely,

a supporter of free thinking, kindness, and unity

And so it begins...

There is something amazingly-fab about the first few sunny and warmish days of spring. Now, I know that this weather is surely taunting me and we will have one more cold snap before it is all said and done. But for right now, I am ignoring the innate fick-ality of mother nature and am simply reveling in the fact that my windows are open and my whole room smells like sunshine.

I was super excited that I got to work out OUTSIDE and not stuck in the gym watching Fox News. Now, I really do like going to the gym. However, if I have to watch one more news story on the dangers of the internet/healthcare reform/cell phones/tap water I'm going to lie down on the treadmill and let the belt slowly wear my face off.

Sorry. Was that too graphic? If you need a treadmill related laugh to make up for said graphic-ness click here.

I feel like there are/may be a lot of changes coming up for me. Of course, I can't be overly specific until I have some concrete evidence, but let this serve as a teaser for you. Jen Paul is officially taking charge of her life. After waiting and waiting and waiting it's finally time to start MAKING things HAPPEN. (please excuse the all caps- I'm usually anti-excessive capitalization, but I'm really excited here.)

or something like that.

In all seriousness, I feel way more in control than I have in a while. There is so much possibility for this summer, next year...and even beyond that. I think the fact that I am working SO hard to make changes is what makes all of this so exciting. :) I mean, last year at this time I was scared shitless. Sure, I was graduating from an amazing college, but I had no job and the market was essentially laughing in my face while presenting it's two giant middle fingers.

This year, things are a lot more stable. I'm getting myself healthy (sloooowlly but surely) and I am employed at a school that I love. I'm starting to research grad schools. And, I'm figuring out what I want to do with my life (at least right now. This could all change in t minus 5 minutes.)

The only thing that could make this better is if my cali- bestie (and my lone reader from what I can tell :)  was here to share ONE pokey stick with me (before I tossed out the rest and quickly made a salad before my taste buds could get the better of me) and talk about all the things that make our lives just a LITTE bit east of average.

But I suppose laughing cross-countr-ily over fat cats on treadmills will have to do.

Reasons why I am a total freak.

1. Today we got new copiers at work. These things can pretty do everything except make you chocolate chip pancakes. (of course regular pancakes are totally manageable.) Now, I could see the other teachers physically wilting as the guy kept kept telling us about all of the options and features. I, however, was drooling like something akin to a sleeping six year old. Now,  appreciate anything that can make my life easier, no matter how many scary touch screen options there are. New copier orientation (no I'm serious) at work was pretty much the highlight of my work day. (you know, besides all the precious children in my room.)

2. I was so involved in a preview for tonight's episode of LOST, that I almost fell off the elliptical at the gym. Also, I was completely unapologetic about my inability to move my arms and legs with coordination. This resulted in several teenagers laughing at me as they ran flawlessly on a treadmill. Not only did I notice, but I BOWED. While still jogging on the elliptical. Note: I can BOW and jog- but not JOG and watch effing TV. Hello improbability.

3. Before I went to the gym I spent an hour and a half at the Dr.'s office waiting for someone to check me out. Now, I don't feel all that bad I just have a cough and some nasty congestion issues. (TMI, yeah yeah.) I was told I have an ear infection, fluid in the other ear, a sinus infection, and early pneumonia. After all of this, I asked the Dr. if I could still go the gym. She laughed at me- gave me conditions and limitations, and sent me on my way. What kind of freak still wants to go the gym after all of that? Oh well, I did. And I killed it- except for that part where I almost died.

4. Netflix begins to create categories for you based on your preferences. Usually I have some indie flicks, comedies featuring a strong female lead, and another random category. However, the last time I logged in I had "Dark Coming of Age Tales, and "Dark Comedies about Marriage". What does it say about my soul if two of my movie categories feature the word DARK. Especially in association with "coming of age tales" which, lets face it, are already awkward on general principal, and "comedies about marriage" which, by definition, one would not assume to be "dark". Does this mean I really am "dark and twisty" Meredith Grey style?

I wish my person were on the East Coast to help me sort all of this out. Clearly I have issues. I mean, even Netflix recognizes it.

Nostalgia strikes again.

Ok, here we go. Let me begin by saying that I love my school, my kids, and my job in general. I love my friends here, I love being close to my family, and, at the risk of sounding like a total hermit loser, I love living with my mom again. I mean, she's pretty much awesome and I missed her like crazy when I was away.

That is my disclaimer. I am not uberly depressed, hating my life, wishing ill on New Bern in general or any other sordid things.

I just miss my old life.

I miss Raleigh/Cary. 

I miss my house. It wasn't huge, new, or anything super special. But, I had my own kitchen. My own living room. I paid bills. I went to the store. I cooked for myself. I could walk around naked if the mood so struck me. It was my space. My whole house. I miss that.

I miss, in particular, a certain person that I used to live with. I miss always having someone to hang out with. Someone to eat dinner with...someone to cook me fabulous foodie meals straight from our famous chef friend. I miss sharing doggie-detail. I miss randomly making Cook-Out/ Little Caesar/ Sushi  runs at night.

I miss working at the coffee shop. Sure, I bitched non stop about it while I was there. But legit- I had some awesome times working there. I miss making fancy overpriced beverages with legally addictive stimulants. I miss showing up for work at six in the evening...or being DONE with work by 11 am. I miss (some of) the people that I worked with. (seriously). And I especially miss making fun of the people that I DIDN'T like with the people that I did like. (I know I'm a horrible person, yeah yeah yeah.)

I miss my DVR- and those of you who are used to that kind of unconditional loving from a machine stamped by Time Warner Cable will feel me on this one.

I miss having a place to go shopping- to the movies- ice skating. Having more than three choices of restaurant was pretty awesome.

I miss Meredith. Yeah, we were all holding our breath to get out of that place- but I would go back in a heartbeat. I made so many great friends there. I discovered who I really am  while I was there. I miss knowing that my best friends were just across the hall/the suite/town.

I know that there were reasons for me being where I am. I do Trust the Universe after all.And I am so grateful for the many friends I've made and the colleagues that have helped me through my first year in my big-girl job.

I guess I'm just looking to the past to try and figure out what comes next.

Quirky,

Is is so wrong that I wish I lived inside a Showtime melodrama?

Does this make me strange? (For the record, I prefer quirky.)

Do I need therapy?

Seriously. I know we all have problems. But my problems are so ordinary. At least if I lived inside the mastermind of  a Showtime writer my problems would include sex, drugs and rock and roll- not to mention a quippy blog, snappy pop culture references, perhaps a good long look at Henry the VII, and all actors from 90's WB shows.

Problem Number 1. The L Word has given me unrealistic expectations for my life. Seriously- all these chicks have money, and are gorgeous. And no matter what trippy relationship conundrum they are dealing with their hair still looks great.

Problem Number 2. The Tudors. This show may be incredibly loosely historically based, but they sure make old school look hott. I mean, I guess they do avoid shots of folks using chamber pots and brushing their teeth with chalk. But whatevs.

Problem Number 3 (aka the nail in the coffin). Californication. Ok so this show was shortlived, but I totally want to move to LA, become a writer/blogger/epic screw up and live in a fantastic apartment. Ok, so smoking is a dirty nasty habit and I quit over a year ago. But true story, Duchovny makes smoking a cig look good as he pensively inhales while overlooking LA from a classic looking west cost cliff.

Problem Number 4. I just subscribed to Netflix and spent our last snowy weekend in my bed devouring old TV shows like some type of glutton. I had absolutely no desire to get up and spend time with the three dimensional people.

Only bright spot: I was scared of becoming a blob in front of my laptop/computer so I DID make myself go to the gym and it's not so bad that I've started skipping work. yet. Maybe you guys should keep tabs on me.

Gym Incident

**Ok. As if I hadn't already made a great case for my old-lady-ness...I just got really excited for Jeopardy! when I realized it was the college championship. Eesh. I just felt I should add in that little tid-bit.**

Have you ever had someone look at you in a way that made you so uncomfortable you thought about throwing something at them just to break the eye contact? Yeah, well. That happened to me today.

My gym buddy and I are branching out and trying new stuff so we don't get stuck in a rut. Mondays are lap swimming, steam room and sauna enjoying extravaganzas. That said, I walk into the gym a first grade teaching goddess (hah) and I walk out a half drowned, bra-less, pajama wearing, mascara smeared schlub. (Note: but I feel all healthy and shiny on the inside!)

So imagine me, this soggy vision I have just described to you, walking down the hall toward the front desk.

Now, the hallways at my gym are freakishly narrow. I mean it's as if  the very building itself is willing you to get your ass in shape.

Two gentleman were standing in the hallway talking as we walked towards them. (Ok. No biggie.) They glanced down the hallway as we came towards them. (I'm still ok with this.)  I give the awkward half smile that I give to strangers I am about to be in close proximity to (still handling this). I expect him to smile back and look away. I'm guessing you've already figured out that this is not how the story ended. He continued to stare so hard at me and my gym friend that I began to wonder if I had, in fact, forgotten my pants when I changed from my swimsuit. (No worries, they were totally on.). As we walk towards them (which seemed to take forever) this guy just keeps staring (I'm getting really skeeved at this point). And to make matters worse he only makes conversation with us after we have passed him by (skin crawling a little bit) so we had to turn around to talk to him for a moment before we could leave (REALLY?).

Now, I'm a big fan of eye contact -as most adults competent at verbal communication are. Also noteworthy is the summer I spent in Italy where staring down a stranger in a public arena is the NORM. And still this managed to creep me out.

Maybe it was the close claustrophobic hallway. Maybe its' because I was very aware of my braless-ness. Perhaps it was the fact that all my makeup was now on the damp towel I was carrying in my hand. Maybe it was just that I am the center of freaking attention for eight hours a day for 20 six year olds and I'd hit my limit.

Either way, I would have given my right eyebrow ( I mean seriously, how weird would I look without that)  for this guy to have followed social protocol, politely smile, and look away.

I'm just saying.

Am I a Grown Up?

Today I made an intense decision.

I made the choice NOT to buy a polka-dotted monogrammed handbag. or duffel bag. or utility tote. or on the go organizer.

This, for me, is epic. HUGE. Life altering.

As I was sitting there, order form in hand, I thought about all the cute things I could buy. And then I thought about the home that I hope to own within the next year. Now, I'm not sure exactly where that home will be. I'm not sure exactly what it will look like or even who will be living there with me. But I know that I will find it and it will be absolutely fabulous.

Now I know that NOT buying a purse doesn't add up to a new home- but it does show a significant change in my thought processes. See, I can own a new bag TODAY and save for a home/apartment/car etc. TOMORROW. Not today. Today I acted like a grown up. AND IT WAS AWESOME.

Now, I'm sure I will have a relapse (or several) before mortgage time comes. However, today I saved anywhere between $10-$68 (depending on the bag I was lusting after) and tucked it away for my future. I mean, let's go down the checklist.

Savings Account for Moving- Check
Switching to decaf soda at night so I can sleep- Check 
Credit Card WITHOUT astronomical balance- Check
Retirement Fund- check
Gym Membership/Eating Sensibly- Check
Prescription taken daily- Check
Buying Generic Salad Dressing to save 10 cents- Check
9:30-10:30 weeknight bedtime- Check

Now that I look at the list I realize I might have skipped grown up and gone straight to old lady.

BUT  I don't sit on a pillow to see over the dash of the car OR have multiple cats --maybe it's not too late for me.

Pie eating, bad guy fighting, ice skating groundhogs.

No, you read it right.

Today in first grade we finished our groundhog day writings. In case you are curious this project stemmed from an awesome video that involved a groundhog dressed as Elvis...complete with hip swaying musical number. My kids then had to come up with a fictional story starring a groundhog. The results were miraculous.

I mean, you had the mundane...my groundhog saw his shadow and ran away blah blah. But THEN there was the groundhog King that had is crown stolen and had to find out who took it and how to get it back. There was the ice skating groundhog that fought off all the bad guys. There was the sweet groundhog mom that made pie for her little groundhog who, by the way, ate it all.

I'm just saying- life in first grade > big girl grown up jobs. I would rather deal with ice skating groundhogs than adults any day.

In other news, I officially felt old today. My kids started talking about a show on Disney Channel. They were telling me all of the characters and the plot line and I had no.idea.what.they.were.talking.about.

HELLO? What ever happened to Boy Meets World? Flash Forward? Bug Juice? The Famous Jett Jackson? Even Stevens? So WEIRD? <---------------------these shows are truly classics of the 90's/00's. And I am officially one of "those" people that just doesn't get kids today...

except that I really love their groundhog stories. their "guess what I did last night" stories. their "one time, my sister/friend/mom/cousin/grandma/babysitter did _____________ for me" stories. their "i'm a kid and everything is new and shiny" stories.

Raleigh or bust.

This week I have a superfun (and yes, in 1st grade that counts as one word) Raleigh trip planned. However, the powers that be are trying to foil my mini road-tripping plans with a ton of snow. I was born near the beach. I was raised near the beach. AKA I am a giant pussy about driving in the snow. Even with our eastern Carolina brand of snow (aka three flakes all attached exactly to the center of our main highway) I have never driven in snow. EVER.

Now I LOVE snow. I LOVE the idea of being "trapped" up there. However, usually when I'm wishing for snow it's because I DON'T want to go somewhere...aka work or school. Now that the snow is screwing with MY plans...I'm mad.

How can you be mad at snow? Being mad at snow is the equivalent of kicking a baby. Or Meg Ryan. Or a Jonas Brother. You know, something so ridiculously sweet it kind of hurts to look directly at it. 

Anyhow, my plans may not be exactly what I hoped. I  may have to cut one particular venture a little short. But seriously, what could be better than being snowed in with some of my best friends?

If you can't say anything nice...and other grammatical errors.

I am always underwhelmed by the ignorance/stupidity of people. (Yes, I understand that these words do not mean the same thing...it's just that both states of being tend to underwhelm me.)

Today I was faced with a 7 year old shouting "That's GAY" to her friends at school. Repeatedly. Loudly. Inappropriately.

You know how fingers on a blackboard freak most people out? Well hearing "That's GAY" has the same effect on me. That is, unless you are talking about something innately joyful. or homosexual. or both. In that case, the te term is quite appropriate.

Anyhow, I'm just thinking about the possible places where this child has heard this term. When I confronted her about this particular new phrase of hers she told me that the word meant "nasty". Short of making her look it up in the dictionary I told her that was NOT what the word meant, nor did I want to hear that phrase in the classroom again.

Think about all the derogatory terms you've heard recently. Think of how many of those terms started innocently enough and were warped and mistranslated so they might be used to hurt other people.

And we wonder why our country spends millions of dollars on therapy each year. We're so busy telling each other why we are inadequate that we have to pay OTHER people to tell us all the ways we are adequate (and why we hate/love/don't speak to/still live with our parents). And it starts at age 7.

Holy shit.

Speaking of inappropriate word usage- here's one a little more lighthearted. Now, it's a pretty well known fact that I'm a grammar snob. That said, please don't proofread this post as my snobbery only applies to the mistakes that other people make. (I mean, check out the definition of snob people.)

Anyhow, I found this beauty in Downtown New Bern...and it has lived inside my laptop for far too long. It needs to be shared with the world. Plus all my English papers are starting to get really pissed off that I was so strict with them while I'm letting my pictures run around blaspheming the English Language like there's no tomorrow.

 Morgan's (the restaurant) is now opened (by who? hello passive voice! haven't seen you since high school) on Sunday's (Sunday's what?)

I mean if you looked at this the wrong way it sounds vaguely dirty. And that gives me great satisfaction.

It really is all about the dress.

If I were a princess I'd wear beautiful satin A-line dresses. They'd be strapless of course...some would have sequins and some would be plain- some would touch the floor and some would hit just above the knee so I could attend a tea party outside.

I thought about this on my way back from Greenville today and I had an epiphany. I want to LIVE at David's Bridal.

Ok, so at first sight the rows and rows of satin and taffeta are really overwhelming. But as soon as a perky young lady in a nice tailored black pantsuit and a shiny name tag steps out from the masses your life gets a lot better. Instantaneously you have someone at your beck and call- retrieving dresses in every style and color available AND pulling each one in several sizes to accommodate all of your various-sized bridesmaids.

There is something cathartic about trying on different dresses and deciding exactly who you want to be. Were we going to be chiffon wearing, elegant, sophisticated up-do wearing women? Or were we more inclined for the knee length strapless garden style dress with loose ringlet and a desire to dance all night?

I'm just saying- being a girl rocks, and it's not even my wedding.

This must be how boys feel about cars/computers/video games/guns.

Since dress shopping was such a success I'm considering the fact that perhaps I need someone to manage my life the way that my favorite new Greenvill-ian managed my wardrobe today.

What are the odds that I can afford someone like that on a teacher's salary?

Lean on Me

Relationships for kids are easy.

Well, easier.

With my kids, for example, tattling and holding hands can come within moments of each other. A well timed "sorry" wipes the slate completely clean. No baggage. No "forgive and forget"...the offending incident just simply ceases to be.

I wish adult relationships were like that. I wish that I could move on and leave things behind. I wish that little things didn't get under my skin and bother me for ages. I wish that I didn't react so passionately to the things that people say and do. Usually after my passionate outbursts I find myself quite embarrassed and wishing I'd never said anything at all.

I wish that I could be one of  those people that just glide through...untouched by what everyone else says and does.

Or I wish that I could be like my students. Ready, trusting, and unashamed of my naivete.

Trust the Universe. No really.

Ever have one of those moments where you realize you've pretty much got exactly what you wanted.

Yeah. I had that this weekend.

With the exception of the facts that number 1, my best friend lives in Cali and number 2, I really REALLY miss Raleigh.... I've pretty much got it together.

I'm working. In a job that I love. In the field that I spent four years preparing for.

Not only am I working, but I have a supportive (albeit slightly twisted) work family. :) 

My students are growing and changing in SPITE of their clueless teacher.

I got to move close to my mom again and spend tons of time with her and family. When you lose your dad at 15- you realize how important TIME is.

I'm saving a TON of money living where I am so that I might have the ability to buy my own place this summer. Ciao pet and security deposits...hello fenced in back yard!

I have friends that understand my reasons for moving home and let me come visit and take complete advantage of their hospitality/ come visit me and brighten up my weekends.

With a recent visit to the Dr. I discovered there is a REASON for all of my crazy health anomalies and found a medication that is helping me to be healthier than I have ever been before.

Plus, on top of all of this, I have the most fantastic dog in the entire world.

..oh yeah. And I think I've got my personal life straightened out.

When you put it all out there like that it makes it hard to bitch and complain about the little things. Maybe I'm not exactly where I thought I would be and MAYBE my life has been crazy since graduation. But, I find comfort in the fact that there was a reason for it all- and no matter who or what you attribute that to, I am thankful.

It seems the universe knows what I need better than I do. (Note to self: trust universe and chill the -insert expletive here- out.)

Triumph in Room 18

Today something happened that I wasn't sure would ever happen.

One of my students read a book.

This particular student is an ESL student that has had many difficulties adjusting to school. We all thought that something more than a language barrier was working against him but it was near impossible for us to figure out what delay or disability he has. And maybe he does have a delay or disability. But regardless of the odds stacked against him...he is LEARNING.

It's assessment time in the County of Craven so we are all doing everything we can to make sure we get all of our t's crossed and i's dotted before the reporting dates. This time of the school year is stressful and exciting- there is a lot to get done when most of your assessments must be completed one on one with a six year old...but it is exciting to take a look at the things they can do now that they couldn't do the last time around.

I pulled this child to read to me so I could take a running record and calculate his accuracy for the book he as reading. The last time I asked him to read to me he stared at me as if tentacles had just sprung from my ears. Today I told him we were going to read and he said..."OK. Let's read this one. " as he chose one of the leveled readers spread before him on the tiny student desk we were sharing.

That by itself was HUGE for me because he was no longer AFRAID of books.

Then, after I modeled two pages of the patterned text for him, as per county instructions, he was able to read the rest of the book to me with only two errors for a whopping 87.5% proficiency.

That's a long way from not speaking....or making eye contact...or participating in any way.

Now, I have lots of people helping me every day with this student...so I don't write ANY of this to brag. Several specialists at school deserve the credit for this one. I write this because it proved to me, once again, that you cannot label a child. With anything. Ever.

Also, expectations are tricky.

As a student and intern my professors talked a lot about expectations. They taught us how to craft our expectations to set our children up for success and push them as far as they can go.

Well, after meeting this extraordinary child I realize that expectations are impossible. You simply CANNOT put these children in a box when they were meant to reach for the stars.

Here's my new motto:

Screw expectations. Start from the bottom and push as hard as you can until they, you...or both cry uncle...or maybe even just cry in general.

Then...take a break...laugh. Give hugs. Play a game. Let them see the real person that lurks underneath the scaly exterior of a teacher.

And then, after all that...hit em with it again.

The End of the World as We Know It

Nope. I'm not talking about all the doomsday shows on the history channel this week. (I'm so over it by the way). I'm talking about something much more menacing...

 The Kindle.

No really. Bear with me here.

I got a Kindle for Christmas this year. I wasn't expecting one at all and I was super stoked to play with this new toy. I mean, I almost reenacted several scenes from Lord of the Rings involving a small slimy creature  and a shiny gold ring but we don't have to talk about that part.

In fact, I even managed to share it with my mom while she was home sick with Bronchitis. I let go of the electronic gadget of the gods for a solid 36 hours so that she didn't have to suffer daytime TV. And then....I got it back.

I'm still offering to share with her of course. After all, she gave me life. But I was alarmed at how much I THOUGHT about the thing while it was with her. I mean, is it possible to have a romantic entanglement with an electronic reading device?

You know what?  Nevermind- please don't answer that question.

Now, I LOVE bookstores. I love the way they smell. I love the rows of books and the colorful covers. I love to go look- and sometimes buy- but they are so expensive I am fairly good at moderating my spending habits. Plus, you have to get presentable for the general public and drive all the way over there to actually look around.

Not with the Kindle.

Oh how easy it is to look up several novels at once, check the reviews, check their standing on several (cross referenced) bestseller lists and decide if this is a book I would like to purchase. Oh how easy it is to click the "One Click" ordering button that already has all of my payment information oh-so-handily stored. All of this without moving from my ever so comfortable bed. No presentable-ness required.

As of right now I am making LISTS of books I would like to purchase and am only allowing myself to order one book at a time- (unless it is one of the free ones- which is a way cool perk of the Kindle.) But I'm worried about my will power.

How long will I last before I download every indie-hippie-"I went to an all women's college, now what" fiction novel that I can find? And what about all those "teacher" books that threaten to take over my booklist? Then I have to think about the classics...the holes in my pathetic English Major repertoire. Then there are the thriller/mysteries that are my guilty pleasures. That of course leads me to conspiracy theories and books about history. Oooh ooh- historical fiction.

See! I mean- seriously. The possibilities are endless.

My brain hurts.

As will my credit card.  

New Year's Resolutions

Ok. Call me a cynic...but New Year's Resolutions are a joke.

Adults kill themselves in the gym for like...a week...and then slip right back into old habits. I'm not saying there aren't the few and far between that really manage to make lifestyle changes...I'm just saying that I'm tired of rushing to the gym after work so I can get a machine before the line of "resolution-ers" begins.Pre January 1- the place was a tomb.

So, for my students the other day I had them create their own resolutions for the New Year. After teaching them what a New Year's Resolution was I left them to their own devices to create their grand idea for 2010. It was a morning work activity- and these usually involve a high crayon ratio.

I wasn't really expecting  a lot- simply because morning work is really just to get them in the zone for the rest of the day.

Imagine my shock when my kids taught me a lesson. Again. (I'm quickly sensing a theme here.)

My kids want to teach their parents to play in the snow because they work really hard and need to have fun. They want to read more books so they can be really smart and get a good job so they can help other people.
They want to play with their grandparents because their grandparents are their most "fabrit" people.
They want to learn to cook so they can make "speshul" treats for friends.

Uh. Hello legitimate New Year's Resolution, it's nice to meet you.

Leave it to a six year old.... kids that still wet themselves and really enjoy an (awful) knock-knock joke to continually teach you that you know nothing about life.

BUT, now matter how warm and fuzzy this all sounds, If I have to wait in line at the gym...I reserve the right to resume my cynicism; but no one's perfect.

"Oh my God, I LOVE it"

I. Love. Children. Preferably small ones that aren't all bitter and bruised yet. First grade is pretty much perfect for me because the kids are old enough to have an eensy bit of a clue as to what school is all about. However, they are still young enough to remember what life is all about, sharing crayons, checking on a friend when they fall down, and laughing as loudly and often as possible.

For example, one of my students can do math in his head already...which is pretty awesome for a six year old that is learning in his second language. BUT me being the terrible mean old teacher that I am, I made him use the number line anyway to check his answers. He was so excited by the fact that his answers matched that halfway down the page he became so overjoyed he could no longer contain himself and screamed out "Oh my God, I LOVE it" in the middle of the classroom.

Hey, my fellow college graduates, remember when learning was fun?

Of course, most of the funny things that happen in my room have nothing to do with what we are actually studying and more to do with childhood in general.

Take, for example, the cutsy calendar accessory I have covering the 18th of January...MLK Jr.'s birthday...a small cutout with a picture of him on it that simply states....Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. However, every single one of my kids thought Obama was on our calendar. And surely that meant that he would be visiting our school on the day that his picture was on.

I tried to disarm the situation, lest angry republicans and/or Obama supporters show up to rally at our school on January 18 (a day that (might have) lived in infamy). However, I'm still pretty sure that some of my kids will go home and report to their parents that Obama is coming to visit.

I mean, teachers make a lot of fuss about all the things they have to get done and lord knows it's true. We are overworked and underpayed....but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it weeds out most of the people who don't really want to be there.

But it's not the things we complain about or the money that keeps us going back everyday...and, I promise, we are not gluttons for punishment.

It's because no matter how much we put in, no matter how tired we are, no matter how much of our money we spend on our classrooms...the kids give us way more back.

They give us perspective.

and a sense of humor.

The dangers of watching movies...

I spent this afternoon watching movies and completely denying the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow. While my lesson plans have been done for two weeks, I've yet to fill out the "official" lesson plan form that contains all of the information that Admin. is most interested in. It would likely take me less than ten minutes to work it out. Yet, I can think of several unpleasant scenes from a Flannery O'Connor short story that I'd sooner reinact than fill in this stupid spreadsheet. My active procrastination led me to the movie Julie and Julia.

In case you've missed this delightful film it chronicles the lives of a New Yorker, Julie and the famous Julia Child and the strange ways that their lives overlapped without ever actually meeting each other. Julie is terribly unhappy with her mediocre life and decides that to get herself out of her slump she will cook her way through the entire Julia Child cookbook and will blog about her experience.

So, not only have I spent a lot of time in the kitchen today, but now I am starting my very own blog.

THIS is the danger of procrastination and movie watching: everything you see seems to be a MUCH better idea than actually doing the thing you are avoiding. What I find most interesting of all is that I have spent way more time on this than I would have on the work that I am so busy running away from.

Anyhow, a geek to the core I settled on a literary term for the name of my blog. Non Sequitur (which I always want to misspell by the way) is a Latin term for a device frequently used in the most absurd books, plays, and films. It translates to "does not follow" and is usually a conversational response to an argument that is so far removed from the subject of the argument that it comes across as absurd...and usually funny.

Well, I am 22 and at this point my entire life seems to be Non Sequitur. I'm sure some of my fellow recent graduates can understand where I'm going with this... you prepare and prepare and prepare for "real life" for four intense years at the college/university of your choice. Then you get out there and realize...no one really knows what the hell they are doing. Not even the "real" grownups.

SO...we all just play along and try our best to have a damn good time doing it.