St. Patrick's Day Debauchary- Elementary School Style,

Ok. So I L-O-V-E St. Patty's day at my school. My mom was a ringleader in this whole shebang years ago, and ever since St. Patty's day has been an excuse to have your room TRASHED and make the kids clean it up.

Oh yeah, and they think it's really cool. SCORE.

So we started by studying Ireland and St. Patrick's day. Of course, I had to leave out my whole, "St Patrick really just tried to get people to dump their own religion and study his and I am against this" schpeal.

My kids all had to build leprechaun traps. (ok.) Out of recyclables (nifty). Using our science curriculum- to trip the trap something had to be pushed or pulled OR something had to be balanced using equal forces on both sides (WOW, Jen, you are a genius).

My kids had the best time. They had to work in groups to create a plan, explain it to me...and then they could begin building it.

Of course, we had pickles delivered from O'Mally's Bait Factory in Dublin Ireland. Why you ask? Leprechauns love pickles silly.

We left the traps up overnight. The next morning I was of course running late and so was my assistant oddly enough. So we had to wait until after the bell to unlock the door and all go in together. Funny how that happened.

The kids were losing their minds because there were these strange tiny green footprints on our door, on the water fountain, and in the hallway.

We opened the door to unholy destruction. If you don't believe me, check it out.

Please note the little green footprints on the floor. These were also on desks, walls etc. BUT these pictures are on my phone and I'm to lazy right now to load them up.

However, all of this led to this general reaction from my kids.

It. Was. Awesome. (also, please notice the amazing cops-style identity concealer. HAH. )

So, we didn't catch a leprechaun. But we did get terrorized by one. One of my kids ACTUALLY caught his jacket. Right in his ingenious little trap. And if you think he wasn't excited when he found this tiny little jacket, well, you would be stupid.

Even though it took us 40 minutes to get the room clean, it was totally worth it. After all, the little bastard did leave us some Hawaiian Punch and a wee bit 'o the rainbow...Skittles!

Not to mention my kids were so super into it, and they remember the motion science behind it.

But no. Really. It was all about the Skittles.

A Very Open Letter to Fred Phelps *Warning* Pissed off Girl at Keyboard

Dear Mr. Phelps,

Today at the gym, I happened to catch a story about you on the news. I was very sad about this because I had probably gone a whole six months without having my blood boil, which, I'm not sure if you're aware, is very bad for my blood pressure and also my attitude. I did want to thank you for one thing though, I got so pissed off while listening to this story that I worked out twice as hard, burned 1 billion calories, and am that much closer to fitting into a bathing suit that doesn't resemble a boat sail. So, snaps for you on that one.

I find it incredibly ironic that you are protesting the funerals of these soldiers that gave their lives in service. Number one, I am NOT a war supporter. Nope. Nada. Nothing. That said, I have NOTHING but respect for the men and women that choose to give up some of their autonomy to serve something that they feel called to do. And, for totally selfish reasons, I appreciate what they do because it means I don't have to. Also, I really enjoy being able to walk around feeling safe and secure...living my life the way I CHOOSE because these brave people gave their time, dedication, and even their lives.

This brings me to the irony- the very institution that you are mocking is the institution that protects your right to hold that hateful sign.  Chew on that for a while.

Also, I'd really like you to diagram for me why your version of god is killing all these soldiers because he is mad at gay people. Number one, how exactly are the two connected? And number two, could I listen to the voicemail/read the memo in which he expressed to you his hatred/ire towards the gay and lesbian community and threatened to start killing folk for digging Cher/Birkenstocks/Individuals of the same gender? I mean, I can make sense of a Charles Dickens novel like PRESTO and, let me tell you, that guy rambles AND has about a million characters in his epic novels. So, the fact that I can't follow your logic really works a nerve.

Oh wait. No it doesn't. Because if I could follow your logic I would be as hateful as you are.

I do NOT respect your opinion. However, I do respect your right to have one. I just find it incredibly inappropriate that you find memorial services a good time to protest. Preach your message from your pulpit and let the families have time to grieve. Since I hear you are really big on this religion thing, lets review some of the Biblical passages that highlight loving your fellow man, shall we?

Or did you skip those parts. Along with the new testament with all the stuff about "forgiveness"?  You can't pick and choose your favorite parts of the Bible, Ace. Taking things out of context is a no-go in religion, politics, journalism, and communication in general.

However, it is pretty easy to recognize the context of your signs. Hatred.

Let me end by offering you an invitation. If you are so unsatisfied with our country, please feel free to go and live elsewhere. I promise promise PROMISE that my liberal, diversity loving tushie will NOT come looking for you.

Sincerely,

a supporter of free thinking, kindness, and unity

And so it begins...

There is something amazingly-fab about the first few sunny and warmish days of spring. Now, I know that this weather is surely taunting me and we will have one more cold snap before it is all said and done. But for right now, I am ignoring the innate fick-ality of mother nature and am simply reveling in the fact that my windows are open and my whole room smells like sunshine.

I was super excited that I got to work out OUTSIDE and not stuck in the gym watching Fox News. Now, I really do like going to the gym. However, if I have to watch one more news story on the dangers of the internet/healthcare reform/cell phones/tap water I'm going to lie down on the treadmill and let the belt slowly wear my face off.

Sorry. Was that too graphic? If you need a treadmill related laugh to make up for said graphic-ness click here.

I feel like there are/may be a lot of changes coming up for me. Of course, I can't be overly specific until I have some concrete evidence, but let this serve as a teaser for you. Jen Paul is officially taking charge of her life. After waiting and waiting and waiting it's finally time to start MAKING things HAPPEN. (please excuse the all caps- I'm usually anti-excessive capitalization, but I'm really excited here.)

or something like that.

In all seriousness, I feel way more in control than I have in a while. There is so much possibility for this summer, next year...and even beyond that. I think the fact that I am working SO hard to make changes is what makes all of this so exciting. :) I mean, last year at this time I was scared shitless. Sure, I was graduating from an amazing college, but I had no job and the market was essentially laughing in my face while presenting it's two giant middle fingers.

This year, things are a lot more stable. I'm getting myself healthy (sloooowlly but surely) and I am employed at a school that I love. I'm starting to research grad schools. And, I'm figuring out what I want to do with my life (at least right now. This could all change in t minus 5 minutes.)

The only thing that could make this better is if my cali- bestie (and my lone reader from what I can tell :)  was here to share ONE pokey stick with me (before I tossed out the rest and quickly made a salad before my taste buds could get the better of me) and talk about all the things that make our lives just a LITTE bit east of average.

But I suppose laughing cross-countr-ily over fat cats on treadmills will have to do.